In the last few weeks..

In the last few weeks I have started to really understand who I am.

Not only who I am, but who I am in christ, and overcoming the lies of the enemy that had plagued my spirit for so long.

In knowing who I am in christ, I know and believe that I am precious and loved. Somthing that I was really bound in was the thought of unacceptance. This bound me so tightly somtimes I literally felt that I couldn't breath. Noone would have known either, because I put up a very convincing mask while being around other, but the truth was that I didn't like who I was, and I didn't like being in my own skin, I was very uncomfortable most of the time.

During the week of dealing with the past and deliverence, we worked on dealing with the lies of the enemy, the lies we believed about ourselfs, and we also learned about how demons can opress us as we enter into sins.

The first thing we learned about was understanding the lies that the enemy tells us. The first thing we did was write down who we think we are, good and bad and they had us read it out loud. I didn't have a hard time doing this when I was writing it down, but as I spoke those words out, I couldn't handle the darkness that came over me. Then the next day they had us write down the lies that we believed about ourselfs, and the lies that we believed about God. All this was leading up to understanding how the enemy uses these lies to hold us down, but I did not realise until the next week "the father heart of God" how wildly bound I was.

Those two weeks I was feeling a dark spirit of unacceptance cloud over my life, It was so dark and opressings that I could hardly breathe without those thoughts clouding me. It was like as if someone put a hot heavy blanket over my cheast and mind. And not until the father heart of God week, did I realise that it was the enemy. I was doing a one on one with my leader and couldn't get out any legitamate sentence without tears rolling down my face.

But somthing I had learned earlier was that tears are a gift, they are a sighn of inner healing, and my leader told me that I need to speak the truths that God says and believes about me over and over again until I believe them.

The next week I discovered, as I allowed healing through many many tears and prayers, I really did start to believe the things that God says about me. And that is, PRECIOUS, LOVED, ACCEPTENCE, that I FIT, and am IMPORTANT. I am someone to die for.

And during the end of the week we were told to go have daddy time with God, to let him lather us with love and essentially let him write us a love letter, and the only condition he told us, was to write down EVERYTHING that you heard, even if it seems outrageous. So I did it, but here I was, thinking, "are you serious? God wont tell me anything, I have trouble hearing him anyways, isn't he a man of little words, small talk?" but it blew my mind when I just allowed him to speak, when I just quieted myself and allowed him to acutally talk without interjecting or doubting.

Let me tell you, God loves me, and he is crazy about me.

I hope that you are all encouraged, if you want to experience what I did, I pray that you would go spend time with your daddy.